


I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm

by fandommatchmaker19



Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Emotional Baggage, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-19 21:51:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17009874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandommatchmaker19/pseuds/fandommatchmaker19
Summary: It was a late winter night, the snowflakes falling down with dizzying speed, spiraling in the wind, each flake swirling and dancing, the icy wind carrying them away.It’s almost midnight and Lucas was supposed to be standing behind her, arms wrapped around her waist, pressing soft kisses down her jaw, his beard gently tickling her skin.“You’re late!” she blurts out, chocolate brown eyes meeting his blue ones. The light is low, and even in the low light she’s struck by how intensely blue his eyes are. Lucas chuckles, dipping his head slightly, skating his fingers along her jaw and gently cupping her cheek.“I know,” he says softly, Australian accent slipping slightly through, as he continues staring deeply into her eyes.“I’m okay though,” he says reassuringly and her shoulders sag in relief, eyelids fluttering closed for one second before opening them again.“I called. Seventeen times. 17. I texted twice as much.”One snowy winter night Lucas comes home late and he and Vic have an intense conversation that changes everything.





	I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm

It was a late winter night, the snowflakes falling down with dizzying speed, spiraling in the wind, each flake swirling and dancing, the icy wind carrying them away. Some settled on buildings, cars, benches, trees, almost every surface. From where she sat, curled in the window seat in her kitchen, warm cup of tea in her hands, Vic watched the snow fall. She watched as the branches hung low with the weight of the settled snow, but even in the dark of the night, with a slight illumination from the street lights, she could see that there was still green under the brilliant white in that “winter wonderland” sort of way and Vic sighs. She checks her watch and breathes out another sigh. 

There is a whoosh of cold air around her, and Vic stands to leave the almost empty cup on the table and wraps her arms around herself as she stands still, gazing. It’s almost midnight and Lucas was supposed to be standing behind her, arms wrapped around her waist, pressing soft kisses down her jaw, his beard gently tickling her skin. She’d complain, giggling, head dipped back, but secretly she always loved it. She’d reach back, and run her fingers gently through his hair, curling it gently at back of his neck. And, he would press a kiss to her wrist like he always did and then she would twist gently and kiss him on the mouth, wrapping her arms around his. He would deepen the kiss, fingers skating up her side, twirling strands of her hair around his index finger. And, they would fall awkwardly on the window seat, fleece blankets underneath her as they would attempt to peel their clothes off each other. And, when they’d realize the window seat is too small he would pick her up and she would wrap her legs around his waist as he carried her to the bedroom. Their bedroom. Vic glances at the bedroom and sighs. She should most definitely stop fantasizing about having sex with Lucas, but the snow was falling like confetti and she was feeling wistful. And, he was late. 

A knock on the door breaks Vic away from her wistful reverie, and she turns to the door, surprise written all over her face. 

The door opens and Lucas bursts through the door, still in his uniform, ash mingled with snowflakes in his hair. There is ash on his cheeks though it looked like he had tried to wash it, but didn’t succeed. 

“Lucas!” Vic gasps his name, and she takes two steps towards him, reaching for him. “Are you okay?” she asks once he shuts the door behind him and takes off his jacket, then his shoes. 

“Hi,” he breathes, stepping towards her. She tilts her head and stands on her tiptoes, wrapping a hand around his neck and pressing her mouth to his. Lucas kisses her back, almost automatically, fingers, gently resting on her hips. She deepens the kiss, but he pulls away after a few seconds, gently resting his forehead against hers. “Hi,” he says again. 

“You’re late!” she blurts out, chocolate brown eyes meeting his blue ones. The light is low, and even in the low light she’s struck by how intensely blue his eyes are. Lucas chuckles, dipping his head slightly, skating his fingers along her jaw and gently cupping her cheek. 

“I know,” he says softly, Australian accent slipping slightly through, as he continues staring deeply into her eyes. “I’m okay though,” he says reassuringly and her shoulders sag in relief, eyelids fluttering closed for one second before opening them again. 

“You’re late,” she murmurs again, voice so soft it’s almost a whisper. Her palms rest against his chest as she continues to stare into his eyes. Neither of them sees it, but they both feel the slight tremor of fear in her fingers. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes and sighs, his breath mingling with hers. “But I’m fine,” he says, more for Vic’s benefit than his own. When she still looks uncertain, he sighs. “Victoria, I’m alright. I promise,” he says, and this time his accent is really noticeable and Vic knows there’s something else, something he’s not telling her. She lays her head on his chest and he wraps his arm around her returning the embrace. “I’m sorry I worried you, but everything’s fine.”

They stay like that, embracing each other for several minutes, Vic’s head still resting on his chest, the sound of his heart beating against his chest comforting her, before Vic breaks the silence. 

“Where were you though?” she asks, curious now. She lifts her head up to meet his eyes, and he presses a chaste kiss to her forehead. 

“I was with 23, wanted to see how the team’s working with the new lieutenant and I joined them on the call,” Lucas replies easily. 

“How’s Bishop?” Vic asks as they make their way to the couch. He sits, legs outstretched and she curls into his side, head resting on his chest. 

“She’s good, she’s adjusting well with the team,” he replies and Vic smiles. “She misses 19, but I’m trying to get the department to improve as a whole. I have one star station and the rest are kind of lagging behind. I know that 19 is close-knit, but I also know that Bishop can handle the transfer. Besides, I already waited for Herrera and Sullivan to get better before transferring her,” he explains, though it sounds more like he’s defending his decision, lacing his fingers gently with hers. 

“Yeah, but with Gibson out Maya could come back,” Vic protests, though it’s half-hearted more than anything. 

“Station 19 already has a lieutenant and a damn good one at that. I know this is difficult, but once Gibson is better and more ready for work, he’ll come back and everything will be as it’s supposed to be,” Lucas says, his voice soft and soothing, reassuring Vic yet again. 

“Except it won’t. Maya and Andy were always a team and now we’re out of balance,” Vic says, this time with more conviction. 

“Victoria, I know you’re worried, but not about that. I already told you; I’m fine. And, the team at 19 will adjust. It always does,” Lucas says before pressing a soft kiss to her temple. 

“I called. Seventeen times. 17. I texted twice as much. And nothing from you. And, I was mad, but then I was watching the snow fall, and then, I was sad. Then, you come through the door and I don’t want to be anything but in your arms kissing you because you’re alive,” she blurts out, as she sits up from her position, facing Lucas. “You’re supposed to call me. This isn’t how we do things because our jobs put us in danger all the time and we always call. Or text. Or something.”

“Are you mad at me?” he asks, surprised as he runs a hand through his hair. He had rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt and removed the black tie he always wore as part of his chief uniform. Any other time the disheveled look would have delighted her, but right now it doesn’t. 

“And, last time I didn’t call you to let you know I was coming home late because of a call you gave me hell. You yelled at me and you told me that you couldn’t stand losing me!” Vic rushes out, as she stands, arms crossed in front of her chest. 

“Victoria,” he says softly, standing up and reach out to cup her cheek, but she flinches away like his hand burned her. 

“Don’t,” she says, tears pooling in her eyes, and she blinks them away because she doesn’t want him to see her cry. “Don’t ‘Victoria’ me!” she snaps. Lucas is staring at her now, hopelessly confused 

“I’m sorry I didn’t call or text,” he says softly, guilt written all over his face. “I just didn’t wanna talk-” he starts to explain, but his choice of words only fuels Vic’s anger and she embraces it. 

“You didn’t wanna talk? I wasn’t asking for some kind of deep conversation, I just wanted to know that you were alive and that you were coming home!” Vic snaps before beginning to walk away. 

“But I did,” Lucas says, his voice low and edgy, his accent slipping through. Vic freezes and he continues. “And, I didn’t at the same time and-” he tries explaining again, but she cuts him off again, turning towards him now, a fiery storm in her eyes. 

“No!” she snaps, yelling the one-syllable word at him, stepping towards him angrily. “Don’t! Because I don’t wanna talk anymore. I don’t want an explanation, Lucas. You’re home late, but you’re home and you’re okay, so I’m going to bed. And, you’re sleeping on the couch,” she says finally, voice strong though there are tears streaming down her cheeks. 

When she glances at him, she notices the stricken look on his face, like he’d been slapped. She doesn’t say anything anymore and makes her way into their bedroom. But, she doesn’t sleep. No, she spends an hour journaling about how she’d been scared that when the phone did ring it would be the hospital telling her he’d been hurt. Or about the fact that the smell of smoke still clung to him. Or about the fact that she was angry because she couldn’t be sad. Not in front of him.  
Ten minutes later, he enters the bedroom and makes his way to their dresser, grabbing boxers and a set of pajamas – sweatpants and a t-shirt – and enters the bathroom. The air is thick with awkwardness and tension, but neither of them speaks. She puts her journal down, in the bottom drawer of her nightstand, beneath a pile of magazines and lays down on her side, facing away from the bathroom. A lone tear descends and trickles down her face and she sniffles. She hears the door to the bathroom click and closes her eyes, pretending to sleep. To distract herself, she starts singing the teapot song in her head. 

I’m a little teapot  
Short and stout. 

“Vic, can we talk?” he asks as he exits the shower, but Vic continues to ignore him. “Can I talk? I’d like to explain about today,” Lucas continues. His voice is very soft and she can practically see his blue eyes staring at her gently, his brows furrowed slightly in concern. 

Here’s my handle.  
Here’s my spout. 

“I’m sorry I was late. And, I’m sorry I didn’t call, or text, or something,” he says softly and she can feel the mattress dip as he sits at the very edge of the bed. A low chuckle escapes her, muffled by the pillow her head is resting on. Lucas continues, “I know you were scared and you thought something was wrong. I know because I go through that almost every evening. When you don’t answer on the first ring, my breath hitches and my heartbeat races. And, relief courses through me when you pick up on the last ring and I get to hear your voice telling me to relax that you were simply chatting with Montgomery or Herrera and I don’t say anything else because I’m always just so relieved you’re okay. And, I know I don’t do active firefighting all the time, so if I’m late it’s mostly because of a budget meeting or some kind of paperwork-” she interrupts him with a chuckle without meaning to, and she groans at the thought that it is now obvious that she’s very much awake. “Ah, so you are listening to me,” he comments before continuing. “But, you, when you are late, my heart stops. Because when you’re late I think you’ve collapsed from smoke inhalation or you got hurt because a building collapsed or-” but she cuts him off by turning around and sitting up and pressing her lips to his to cut him off. His hands wrap around her waist and he deepens the kiss for a few seconds before pulling away, resting his forehead on hers for several seconds. “I was late today because a wall almost collapsed on top of me and I almost died of smoke inhalation. And, the victim I was taking care of did die. And, it’s sticking with me because I can still smell the smoke, can still feel the wall collapse almost completely on top of me, can still hear that patient hyperventilating as she realized she was dying, can still feel the hopelessness I felt when she did.”

When I get steamed up  
Hear me shout 

“Lucas, I am so sorry,” Vic says finally before wrapping her arms around him. “I am so sorry,” she murmurs against his shoulder, voice slightly muffled against his shirt. And, when she pulls away and cups his cheek with her hand, his blue eyes gazing steadily at her, she sees that they are filled with tears. “What is it?” she asks softly. “You can tell me, I don’t scare easy,” she says softly, almost jokingly, but she’s also not joking, and she adds more sincerely, “I’m here for you, you know that. I know I’m always putting you through that, but tonight you scared me like hell. And, I don’t want it to happen ever again. So, next time, call me, okay?” He only nods in response. 

“I know,” he mutters before continuing, “Eva didn’t like it when I shared,” he says and Vic sighs. Lucas bringing up his second ex-wife didn’t happen often, but when it did Lucas always got this faraway look in his eyes and his face scrunched up in pain. “And, after a while I stopped. I just bottled it up and buried myself in work. And, then I stopped coming home every night because it was easier to just sleep in the captain’s bunker and work the B-shift. And, then she cheated on me after I realized that I had PTSD. There was a ferryboat crash and I lost someone from my team, but I couldn’t talk about it or how guilty I felt because I had no one to talk to.”

They’d changed positions now with Lucas leaning against the headboard and Vic curled into his side, head resting on his chest, one hand laced with his, the other tracing patterns on his chest. He’d wiped away her tears and kissed her temple 

“You know you can always talk to me,” she says softly, pressing soft lips to his jaw. He tilts his head, responding to her so easily, his arm wrapping around her waist, pulling her closer. “What about Sullivan? I mean, you mentioned you guys were friends, so you could’ve talked to him,” she says softly. 

“Sullivan and I weren’t talking by then. We… uh… something personal happened and we stopped talking. Well, he stopped talking to me and transferred stations. So, I just bottled it up and kept going until…” he trailed off, and Vic rubbed his chest comfortingly. 

“Until it wasn’t,” she replied in understanding. She hadn’t expected their argument to lead to this. She hadn’t expected him to open up like this. It wasn’t that he didn’t open up. But, he didn’t like sharing either and now he was opening up to her and she could practically see the layers peeling away, revealing who he was at his core. 

“Eva and I continued pretending we were married for almost two years until my PTSD got so bad, I needed help. Professional help. And, Eva couldn’t handle that. So, we got a divorce. We got a divorce, and I started attending those peer support groups and I started talking. About calls. About people who died under my watch. When I became chief I thought that that was it. That I’d reached the finish line. That all the pain, the PTSD, the divorce, the countless calls, the nights I slept in the chief’s bunker, that they were all worth it…” he says, and trails off, his eyes meeting hers. 

“Was it?” she asked softly, her voice barely a whisper, fingers gently fondling his cheek. The parentheses around his lips widened a little, as a small smile made its way onto his face, his blue eyes so very blue. 

“It was. I love my job,” he says before tilting his head down and brushing his lips softly against hers. She responded easily, sliding her hands up his chest, along his shoulders and wrapping them around his neck, fingers tugging at his blonde hair. His own arms wrap tightly around her waist pulling her on top of him as he deepens the kiss, teeth biting her lower lip lightly. Her legs straddled his hips and she continues to kiss him and the whole world explodes around her, fireworks around her all at once as his hands go in her curly hair, fingers deftly tangling themselves in her curls. Her fingers then skate down his side, tugging at the hem of his t-shirt before she stops as she realizes that they hadn’t finished their conversation. 

“But?” she asks, pulling away from him. “You love your job, but?” she prods, partly because she’s a little bit afraid of what that but is but needs to know, and partly because she doesn’t think he’ll continue without some prodding. 

“But, I just… I felt so lonely… my best friend didn’t wanna see me or speak with me, and my wife had cheated on me, and divorced me, and I was just so lonely…” he trails off, dipping his head in sadness. 

“But you’re not anymore,” Vic jokes, smirking as she trails her fingers along his jaw, gently caressing his cheek. “Because I’m here. Literally on top of you. So you’re most definitely not lonely,” she says, giving him that smile of hers, dimples and all, eyes shining mischievously. Lucas chuckles in response, reaches out with his own hand, to cup her cheek, gently fondling it. 

“Not now, yes, right now I’m most definitely not lonely. But, I was. For a long time. And, then you yelled at me. Twice.”

“I apologized,” she protests, but she knows he’s not mad at her or anything at all. No, he’s amused. And, she can see that in the way he’s smiling with his eyes, the way his lips are tugging slightly at the corner. The way he’s looking at her. 

“Yes, you did. And, then we flirted over cake and then we had sex. I woke up to you having escaped your apartment while I was in the shower,” he continues and she blushes and smiles sheepishly. “I called you and asked you for coffee. Then, we had more sex.”

“Then we had sex at work,” she says, amused, wiggling her eyebrows. Now it’s his turn to blush.

“Yes we did,” he says, throwing his head back against the pillow. “Can’t believe I let you talk me into that,” he comments off-handedly, and Vic laughs, shaking her head. 

“You let me talk you into it? You’re the one who locked the door!” she quips. 

“Yeah, I locked the door. And, somewhere along the way I stopped feeling so lonely. Somewhere between the yelling and the flirting and the sex I stopped feeling so lonely. I had someone. Have someone. You. I’m sorry I avoided coming home today. I didn’t think I’d be able to talk about the things that stick with me.”

Vic reaches her palm to rest it on his hand, lacing her fingers with his and he presses a soft kiss to her wrist in gratitude. 

“Baby,” she whispers softly. 

“Victoria, I… thank you. Just thank you. Thank you for being there for me.”

“Of course, no problem. Hey, baby, I know that today was a long day for you, but you know you can always talk to me. Always,” she says before she bends down to press another kiss to his mouth and he tugs her down as he deepens the kiss, hand reaching out to wrap around her neck as hers cup his cheek. The kiss is more intense; his lips are rougher on hers, more fervent than usual and then he flips them over so that he’s on top and she wraps her legs around his hips as he continues to kiss her, making fireworks explode all around her all over again. 

“I love you, Victoria,” he whispers softly, pulling slightly away from her, though still resting his forehead against his. Vic smiles in response. 

“I love you too, Lucas,” she whispers back before brushing her lips against his, and he tugs her closer, deepening the kiss. And, then, they’re peeling each other’s clothes off and Vic gladly loses herself in him, fingers tugging at his hair, lips molding perfectly with his.

The first round is heady, intense, passionate and full of lust and they can’t quite get enough of each other. And, when they’re done, they make love lazily and then they lay quietly in bed before he breaks the silence. 

“I don’t think I can fall asleep tonight,” he murmurs softly in her ear. 

“Okay, well, it’s a good thing I’m off tomorrow so if we keep doing this all night,” she pauses, gesturing between them, eye brows wiggling suggestively, “I can sleep in.” But, Lucas had something else in mind.

“When I first moved here from Australia with my parents and my sisters, and saw snow for the first time, I used to love watching it fall. You wanna come watch it with me?” he asks, nervously because he’s a little bit unsure of Vic’s reaction. 

“Of course,” she says before pulling on her flannel pants and his t-shirt as he gets dressed as well. They walk over to the kitchen, wordlessly, and he sits in the window seat close to the window, and she sits beside him, curling herself into his side. 

“So, what was your worst?” she asks after a few minutes of silence. “If you wanna talk, you can, you know that.”

“I know,” he replies before telling her about the death of his best friend’s wife. And, then he tells her about the ferryboat crash in Elliot Bay. “Tell me yours,” he mutters once he’s done with that and she turns to him, half surprised. 

“I haven’t-” she starts, but he cuts her off. 

“Victoria, I know tonight’s been a lot about me, but we can also talk about you. I know you haven’t been with the department for long, but I also know you’ve been through some pretty tough calls. So, tell me yours,” he says, pressing a kiss to her temple. 

“I used to be scared of fire,” she whispers, voice trembling. 

“Is that why you became a firefighter?” he questions, but she shakes her head. 

“A few months ago, while Herrera and Gibson were competing for captain we had that blue fire incident and Warren and I were trapped, surrounded by it,” she begins before she starts telling him about all of it. The blue fire, then how she used to flinch every time a flame burst in front of her, and how she used to want to run away from fire, and he doesn’t say anything. He just pulls her closer, just kisses her temple and lets her share her story. He doesn’t comment on the fact that she withheld information essential to the safety of the team from the team and the captains. He just holds her and whispers words of encouragement. And, when she’s done, he says it again. 

“I love you,” he says, and she tilts her head up to look at him with wide, brown eyes. 

“Well, I’m pretty loveable,” she says with a chuckle to cover the fear with false pretenses of bravado and jokes. Lucas just shakes his head. 

“Victoria…” he mutters as he presses another kiss to her temple. 

“I love you, too, Lucas,” she says before brushing her lips over his.

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly didn't mean for this to be so angsty, but then I started writing and thinking about snow... and it kinda just went form there. Anyways, I hope you all liked this as this was my first Vicley attempt.  
> xx


End file.
